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Web site puts your frustrations into words, song

The Brunching Shuttlecocks -- sounds like the name of a rock band with a taste for badminton and eggs Benedict. But this is a Web site that can help if your frustrations with technology or the boss leave you speechless.

Some techies blame it on fragmentation. Others have 10,000 Windows patches when all they need is a computer that works. And others simply say: yes, it would be fair to deprive me of this Active Directory migration cross.

If you're having trouble finding words to express your distress over whatever's troubling you these days, you oughta have the Brunching Shuttlecocks word generator at compose an Alanis Morissette-style ode to your troubles.

At the site, the Alanis Lyric Generator asks you for the name of something you hate, six things you hate about it and the name of a former lover. It then produces as many as three songs in the style of the Canadian songstress.

We recently plugged in a few choice words about slow system performance and got this jagged little gem from the generator:

"I think system slowdowns are gonna drive us all crazy
And frozen status bars make me feel like a child
I think system slowdowns will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?"

If you're not a Morissette fan -- but you share her need to vent -- the site features other word generators that could help you out.

Do you have the boss from Hell? Go to the C.Y.B.O.R.G. initialism generator and plug in your nightmare's name. The generator will tell you what the letters in that sorry supervisor's name would stand for if he or she "happened to be a shallow imitation of humanity with a dark purpose." We plugged in "Gates" and the site returned an image of a dark, red-eyed figure with the label "General Android Trained for Exploration and Sabotage."

Get the idea?

Plug in "McNealy," and the site shoots back "Mechanical Cybernetic Neohuman Engineered for Assassination and Logical Yardwork."

If horror movies are your bag, check out the "Monster Pitch" feature. Simply name a couple of cast members, and the site will give you a pitch that you could take a studio exec.

We plugged in three people we'd love to see onscreen together -- Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Claire Danes -- and titled our movie Programmers to the Rescue.

The Shuttlecocks responded with a tale about killer gerbils: "At first the gerbils are thought to be harmless, but when they devour a local Kinko's employee (Bill Gates), it's obvious that the gerbils are doing this out of revenge! Now Gloria (Claire Danes) must enlist the help of balding verminologist Jules McLolly (Steve Jobs) and discover what is turning these simple pets into cute, fluffy furballs of death!"

And to think Bill Gates spent all that time worrying about a penguin!

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